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HomeNL-2018-09 Mad-Lib Trip Rpt

Mad-Lib Format of Trip Report
September 2018
by David Portz

Editor’s note: To address trip-leaders’ notorious difficulties in afterwards coughing up a gol-durned trip report for publication, we commissioned David Portz to prepare a standard format. He chose to provide one for the “Miles and Mussels” series of river trips, each ghastly long and arduous, but concerning in some manner “Science”.  Additionally Mr. Portz chose to provide the format in the form of a Mad Lib© puzzle.  The editor took a run through it and has shown his own responses immediately to the right of the trip report format. 

Trip Report

Miles and Mussels No. __[e.g., 6]_, Brazos River



As a(n) __[1][adjective]__ participant in this Miles and Mussels kayaking trip, Bruce Bodson thought I’d be a suitable __[2][noun]__ to file this trip report.  So here goes:


The weather on this particular day was __[3][adjective]__ and __[4][adjective]__.  After some confusing texts, phone calls and __[5][noun (plural)]__ , we met at the take-out, no, the put-in, no, the take-out to start the shuttle.  __[6][two adjectives]__ Kent was late because he went back home for his Butt-Paste©. We eased the boats down the forty-foot __[7][noun ]__ by means of ropes and burros and then packed our gear into them at water’s edge.  As usual, Bob had forgotten his __[8][adjective]__ __[9][noun ]__ in his truck at the other end of the shuttle. The canoe of another member who shall go nameless was heavily overloaded with all sorts of  __[10][adjective & noun ]__.


Bruce announced that the trip might be a tad underestimated at __[11][number]__ miles, and that we’d first stop when we were  __[12][fraction]__ finished. With that we got started and Bruce was three-quarters of a mile ahead. 


The riverbank was much eroded from Super Storm __[13][proper name]__. While the cottonwoods and black willows were mostly intact on the bluff, many  __[14][noun (plural)]__ had tumbled into the river to create snags and hazardous __[15][noun (plural) ]__ .


Unexpectedly we stopped when Bruce sighted a partially buried __[16][noun ]__.  On this same gravel bar Bruce identified specimens of quadrula apiculate (Southern Mapleleaf) and lampsilis teres (Yellow Sandshell) and then excitedly pointed out a specimen of __[17][noun ]__. At his home he said he’d spotted specimens of pyganodon grandis (Giant Floater) and __[18][noun ]__.  Kent held up two brimming handfuls of what he thought were __[19][noun (plural)]__ but Bruce said they were only corbicula fluminea (Asian Clams).  Amy couldn’t get a  __[20][two adjectives]__ __[21][noun ]__ off of her left calf, Bruce said be careful she didn’t tear her __[22][noun ]__ or injure her meniscus. Portz relentlessly looked around for petrified wood, doubloons, fulgurites, and __[23][noun]__.


Declaring the trip a success, Bruce offhandedly mentioned that the number of bird species he’d sighted in the first __[24][number]__ miles of the trip had been two hundred and twenty-eight, including one __[25][noun]__, which Natalie said she hadn’t spotted.  Bruce also said he spotted a __[26][adjective (color) & noun]__ nestled behind a __[27][two adjectives]__ tree.


The take-out turned out to be steep-sided as the put-in, but again, that’s the __[28][adjective]__ Brazos. The final headcount showed that the requisite 85’% had made it the entire distance, a strict club requirement. The __[29][adjective]__  and __[30][adjective]__ riffles had been a problem for some, if only because of the __[31][two adjectives]__ eddies. 


I think I won’t do that again! I’m happier in my chair with my __[32][noun ]__, my __[33][noun ]__, and __[34][noun (plural]__.

 1.  [adjective]  unwitting
 2. [noun] idiot
 3. [adjective] loutish
 4. [adjective] ubiquitous
 5. [adjective & noun] anacondas
 6. [two adjectives] Squeaky carcinogenic
 7. [noun] mound of stinking carrion
 8. [adjective] chartreuse
 9. [noun] lederhosen
10. [noun (plural)] inflatable sex-toys
11.  [number] one hundred and eighty
12.  [fraction] 13/14ths
13. [Proper name] Honey
14. [noun (plural)] alien spacecraft
15. [noun (plural)] birthday parties
16. [noun] warhead
17. [noun] Geisha
18. [noun] Italian Castrato
19. [noun (plural)] Black Widow spiders
20. [two adjectives] passionate, buxom
21. [noun] otter
22. [noun] hybiscus
23. [adjective & noun] billionaire grandmothers
24. [number] two
25. [adjective & noun] porcelain toilet
26. [adjective (color)   & noun] mauve Yeti
27. [two adjectives] psychedelic Baobab
28. [two adjectives] bacteria-laden
29. [adjective] volcanic
30. [adjective] cat-friendly
31. [two adjectives]
incandescent, macabre
32. [noun] pumpkin
33. [noun] Oxycodone
34.  [noun (plural)] Cheez Puffs

The author, David Portz